


In Which Pesterchum And/Or Trollian Is Used Irresponsibly

by petalprose



Series: in space, no one can hear you scream, [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, Gen, Pesterlog(s) (Homestuck), yeah this is just a chatfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-19
Updated: 2019-01-19
Packaged: 2019-10-12 17:03:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17471465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/petalprose/pseuds/petalprose
Summary: "TG: okay while i entirely respect that reactionTG: considerTG: ...CG: DO NOT.TG: kinky"or, as per the original title, dave crytypes and karkat loses it.





	In Which Pesterchum And/Or Trollian Is Used Irresponsibly

memo  asshole jamboree 

 

TG: i;m so dnsorru mmrister vanta,,s,, i ddint mean to eoffend you i swaer,,,... pleeaase forgive me i promsise ill make it up to youh   
CG: HOW DARE YOU MAKE ME READ THAT WITH MY OWN TWO LOOKSTUBS.  
TG: pwease mister vavtas,, im sorry i jsut wwnan s make it up othou i swear im sorry   
CG: DAVE.   
TG: karkat   
CG: I COULD TAKE LEGAL ACTION AGAINST YOU FOR THIS.   
CG: I COULD SCREAM MY GOGDAMNED LUNGS OUT IN COURT FOR THE SOLE REASON BEING THAT DAVE STRIDER IS AN INSUFFERABLE ASSHOLE AND I AM UNABLE TO ESCAPE HIS TREACHEROUS RANGE FOR THE FORSEEABLE FUTURE, DUE TO THE CRUEL WHIMS OF AN UNCARING GOD.   
CG: THE JUDGE AND JURY WOULD DO NAUGHT BUT AGREE WITH ME, HELPLESS IN THE FACE OF MY EXISTENTIAL DESPERATION. THE EXECUTIONER, WEEPING OPENLY WITH RESPECT FOR MY ENDLESS FUCKING WELLS OF PATIENCE, COLLAPSES FROM DEHYDRATION. ALAS, HE DOES NOT TAKE YOUR HEAD IN THE FALL.   
TG: alas   
CG: I COULD HAVE POETRY IMBUED WITH MY PUREST RAGE FLOW FROM MY FINGERTIPS AND IMMORTALIZE IT IN GREY TEXT. I COULD WRITE SONNETS DETAILING MY CONTEMPT FOR YOUR ABHORRENT, RODENT-FACED, TROGLODYTE-EMULATING ASS. BUT I WON'T, BECAUSE ONE: FOR AS LONG AS I HAVE UNFORTUNATELY, REGRETTABLY KNOWN YOU YOU HAVE MADE IT INCREASINGLY CLEAR THAT WITH EVERY SECOND YOU ARE LOSING MORE OF YOUR BRAIN CELLS, THE NUMBER OF WHICH I SUSPECT TO HAVE ALREADY BEEN IN THE NEGATIVES THE DAY YOU TURNED SIX.   
CG: AND TWO: NOTHING I COULD SAY WOULD EXPRESS MY DISGUST AS CLEARLY AS ME SIMPLY STATING THAT I WILL WRAP MY HANDS AROUND YOUR FUCKING THROAT AND SQUEEZE WITH STRENGTH THAT WILL PUT THE MOST STATE OF THE ART MACHINERY TO SHAME.   
TG: okay while i entirely respect that reaction  
TG: consider   
TG: ...   
CG: DO NOT.   
TG: kinky   
CG: GSKKDLWOXOAOPALACHDK   
GA: Dave I Feel That I Should Inform You That Karkat Has Thrown His Palm Husk To The Ground In What Appears To Be Sheer Incredulous Rage   
TG: haha nice   
TG: whats he saying   
GA: It Would Seem That He Is Too Disgusted To Speak   
GA: Although If You Would Like To Know What He Has To Say So Badly I Could Ask Him   
GA: At Great Risk To My Auriculars   
GA: But I Could Ask Him   
TG: please and thank you for your sacrifice   
TG: f   
TT: Dave, if you have sentenced my girlfriend to a life of deafness with that request I believe I am entitled to sacrificing you to a minor god as compensation.   
TT: An eye for an eye, so to speak.   
TT: Karkat will have to wait a few hundred years before he gets the opportunity he so desires.   
TG: chill rose dw your girlfriend will still be able to hear you whisper woegoth pickup lines in her ear after this   
TG: and that isnt an eye for an eye in what fucking universe would human sacrifice be on the same level as friendly fire deafness   
TT: This one.  
TG: thats not true and i say so im god  
TG: disproportionate retribution is what this is rose  
TG: this is unconstitutional  
TT: There are no laws here.  
TG: god damn  
TT: Additionally, in case you've forgotten, I am also god.  
TT: And I say that your opinion has been acknowledged and summarily discarded.  
TG: what no you cant just do that  
TT: I don't make the rules, Dave.  
TT: And neither do you.  
TG: oh my god  
TG: shut up ugly  
TT: Really?  
TG: ew gross dont talk to me  
TT: Dave, we are sixteen.  
CG: WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS.  
GA: He Is Risen  
GA: And Well So Has His Blood Pressure I Fear  
CG: YOUR CONCERN WARMS MY BLOODPUSHER TO ITS DARKEST DEPTHS, KANAYA. MY GRATITUDE IS TRULY IMMEASURABLE.  
GA: As It Should Be Honestly

**Author's Note:**

> jesus christ i have massive respect for people who regularly format pesterlogs  
> also i looked up alternian words for eyes lmao, but whlie they picked up vocabulary from each other karkat is initially so incredulous that he reverts to his mother tongue or w/ever


End file.
